Speak Life
Years ago when I was a young mom, one of my daughter’s preschool teachers made an off-handed comment to me that came across as very condescending and judgemental. I was reminded of this scenario a few weeks ago in a conversation with my daughter. I started telling her about it, and she said, “Wow, you remember every detail.” She’s right. That happened more than 20 years ago, but I remember every part of the conversation. Now, if you ask me about most conversations I had last week, I probably won’t remember. But that preschool conversation will always be etched in my mind. Why? Because it hurt. It touched on my insecurity and fears as a young mom. Now I can guarantee you that the preschool teacher does not remember that conversation. She’s a lovely woman that I am sure would be mortified to know I hold this memory. But this situation is a powerful reminder to me of the impact our words can have.
All throughout scripture, God gives us reminders about the power of our tongues. In the book of Proverbs, we are told our words can bring healing (12:18), keep us from destruction (21:23), build one another up (12:6), and even have the power of life and death (18:21). Our words can give life and encouragement to those around us, or our words can tear one another down.
The book of James is also filled with an abundance of wisdom and conviction regarding the power of our words. I studied James earlier this year, and ever since then, James 1:19 keeps running through my brain. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” I’m reminded of this in traffic, at work, in an argument, and any time I get on the internet. How many times would I save myself and others heartache, if I took a moment to truly listen and think before I speak or type? How many times have I made some quick retort to be funny or without thinking of the impact of my words and I’ve caused someone pain?
In Matthew 12:34, Jesus reminds us, “for the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” Our hurtful words (written or spoken) are a reflection of what is going on in our hearts. Ouch. The solution to this problem can only be God. When we surrender our lives, hearts, and tongues to Jesus, the Holy Spirit works in our lives and the overflow will be words of patience, wisdom, and praise.
But what does this look like practically? This means that we need to be actively and thoughtfully letting the Holy Spirit guide our words.
● Pray before a difficult conversation for patience and wisdom.
● Meditate on scripture, so the truth of God’s word is at the forefront of our minds.
● When someone provokes you, don’t hit send on that email, text, or call until you’ve stopped to really think about it. I’ve found that taking a time-out before I respond, usually leads to a much wiser response.
● Listen more, lecture less. (Parents of teens, this one is for you and me!)
● Be the first one to shut down or step away from gossip or inappropriate talk.
● Apologize more. We make mistakes, and sometimes the words just come tumbling out of our mouths, but we need to be quick to apologize and make it right.
As much as I remember that hurtful conversation with that preschool teacher, I can also think of times when people gave me a really thoughtful compliment and encouragement. I remember how good it made me feel to be seen and acknowledged. Let’s look for ways we can lift each other up with our words. Give the compliment, remember the person’s name, speak encouragement to those struggling around you, tell someone how much they mean to you. Let’s turn our words over to the Word (John 1:1), and let the overflow of our hearts be wise words of God’s grace, love, and mercy toward us.
Melissa Busby leads the ministry wives support network for the BCNE and serves in the women’s, youth, and children’s ministries at South Shore Baptist Church in Hingham, MA, where her husband serves as senior pastor.