Push Past False Expectations This Christmas
I have a confession. I’m turning into one of those people that loves cheesy Christmas movies. As things in life get challenging and sometimes feel out of control, there’s something comforting about these simple, predictable stories with a happy ending. It’s great mindless entertainment, as long as we don’t see it as reality. Perhaps you see movies, social media feeds, and Christmas card photos that make you feel like everyone else is having a magical Christmas, while you are sitting in the midst of your chaos and suffering. For most of us, Christmas can’t be wrapped up neatly with a bow. It’s messy and complicated, but there’s still beauty and wonder to be found.
The Christmas season tends to amplify the difficulties that many of us face. I can think of people in my own life right now that are dealing with divorce, death of a loved one, loss of a job, difficult diagnosis, loneliness, infertility, and mental health struggles. We want that perfect Christmas card moment, but our circumstances don’t make that possible.
But I think if we can push aside the false expectations we have for what this season should hold, we’ll find that in the midst of our darkest days is when we can truly see the beauty of the advent season. Advent is about longing and waiting for the Messiah. Christmas is about celebrating the birth of that Messiah, and also about looking ahead to the time when He will come again. We are always longing and always waiting.
How do we push past these false ideas of what the holidays should look like? We can all use practical tips for making it through the Christmas season. We need to manage expectations for ourselves and others. Don’t expect people to do what they are emotionally, spiritually, or physically not capable of doing. We need to keep it simple… pare down the to-dos, gift buying, and parties. Find out what brings you and your family joy, and do that. The good news is that I’ve found it’s usually the simple things like a traditional movie, special snack, or game nights that my family longs for the most.
Quit comparing yourself and your family to others. We’re all different. We have different budgets, preferences, family dynamics, and challenges. We’ve all heard the saying, “comparison is the thief of joy”. There is definitely a lot of truth in that statement.
We always need to be reminded to be flexible. The success of your Christmas doesn’t hinge on a single event, gift, or decoration. If it doesn’t work out, move on. Traditions are great, but we don’t have to live and die by them. If something isn’t working for you and your family this year, change it. A friend of mine just shared that her family ate out for Thanksgiving dinner. They are mourning the recent loss of the beloved matriarch of their family, and the idea of the holiday meal without her was too much. They let the traditional meal go, and opted for something different, and the family had a wonderful time.
Focus on the here and now. Wait, didn’t I say that Advent is about longing for the days to come? Yes, but I’ve often found myself, in an unhealthy way, longing for the way that it used to be or longing for a future that I have created in my own mind. But God has us here and in this situation right now for a reason. Accept where you are right now, and look for how God can use you in your present circumstances for eternal purposes.
“Focus on the here and now. Wait, didn’t I say that Advent is about longing for the days to come? Yes, but I’ve often found myself, in an unhealthy way, longing for the way that it used to be or longing for a future that I have created in my own mind. But God has us here and in this situation right now for a reason.”
And ultimately, if your heart is longing for peace and searching for joy, I bring you good news. Christ has come, and Christ is coming again. For those of us that have been Christians for many years, we know this, we have heard it, taught it, and sang this truth time and time again, but I think we forget to really marvel in the reality of Christ and Christmas. We need to take time this month to really consider this great gift that God has given us. Dwell on the Messiah and what His birth means. Carve out time for reading, prayer, worship, and time with the Lord. It’s time that will never be wasted, it’s the one thing we must add to our calendar for the month.
Several years ago, Sovereign Grace music put out a new Christmas song, “O Come, All Ye Unfaithful”. It quickly became a favorite of mine, and I suggest you add it to your playlist. It describes not the perfect ones that have it all together coming to the Lord, but it’s those of us weak, weary, lonely, barren, waiting, bitter, broken, fearful, guilty, and those with nothing. I think we can each find ourselves in that list. Christ was born for each of us, He died for each of us. We can all come to Him in whatever state we are in. Bring your pain and grief, and He will give you true hope, peace, joy, and love.
At the end of this Christmas season, we may find that our circumstances have not changed much. Our problems may still go with us until 2025, but hopefully, we will find that our perspective has shifted. As it says in Hebrews 12: 2-3 (my paraphrase), may our focus not be on ourselves or our problems, but on Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith. We are to consider Him and all he endured, so we will not grow weary and give up.
Years ago, when my girls were little, we were part of a wonderful child development program. Each month, the leader, who was also a good friend, would do a home visit and talk through each developmental stage, offer advice, and ideas. Most months, my husband would come home from work during the visit. He would walk through the door and jokingly ask the leader, “Debbie, is there any hope?” She would laugh and say, “Cody, there is always hope.” And that is what I leave you with today. This Christmas, remember that there is always hope. Our hope is Christ.
Melissa Busby serves in the women’s, youth, and children’s ministries at South Shore Baptist Church in Hingham, MA, where her husband serves as senior pastor.